Where Do I Go From Here?

One month and nine days since my husband's official death. During that time, I have lived through Thanksgiving and his birthday. Christmas is approaching, but we were never big into that, so it's just a matter of not getting sucked into the Hallmarkiness of everything. I'm looking forward to the new year, if only because I'll be able to say, "My husband died last year", instead of last month. More distance. People like distance from grief. Now that I'm halfway through December, I'm able to panic less and see more future ahead. The first month, from what I remember, consisted primarily of crying, screaming, vomiting and shaking. I lost 14 pounds. I have a wonderful therapist whom I see once a week, or twice a week if things are awful. She is helping me calm down and see a time when there will be more good days than bad. She is reassuring and calm. She wears jeans. My last therapist (some years back) had a number of suits cut identically but in diffe...